Day 26 (Utrecht, Amsterdam)

Mmmmyeshellowelcometomyblog.













So. Today. Was. Prettyfreakingawesomefun. I "really like" Utrecht a lot (Jasper makes fun of me every time I say I love something). It is a very nice city, with some cool shops and things and stuffs. I walked around, and there are plenty of places to just kind of stand there and stare at everything that is better to look at than at home.

I mean look at this. Someone was just like, "Hey uh, let's uh, let's maybe put some little uh, picturesque little places you know... about town and stuff. Or, you know, everywhere." And they did. That's just what they do. I don't have pictures of LA. You know why? Because nobody wants to see a little dirt-covered hovel-hole when Holland has places like this that you know, don't burn your eye sockets out by looking at them.

By the way, at the moment I am suffering from a combination of overtiredness and a low-blood-sugar-migraine, which is currently being treated by jamming as much speculoos down my throat as possible in one sitting, which is verging on an ADD manic sugar rush. So uh... yeah. Good luck with that. At least this entry should be an interesting one.....     I am so sorry.

 Something I learned about the Dutch: TOO MANY VOWELS. They even combine letters to make new vowels-

OMG I think someone in my hostel totally just cropdusted this room and I'm going to die.

-they exploit poor unsuspecting soft consonants to create hideous vowel-consonant-vowel hybrids!

This isn't funny. I'm moving on. MMM Speculoos. I apologize to the Dutch, I actually quite like your language, just not when I speak it. I end up sounding like a chocking moose on steroids. If you don't know how steroids affect the speech patterns of moose, just listen to me trying to speak Dutch. I wrote 'chocking' didn't I? Yeah, it was supposed to be 'choking'. I don't go back and correct things. I CORRECT NOTHING! I am wearing MANwear!

Other things I found in Utrecht.

This sweet*ss garden.

And this super dope rock. I'm speaking gangster today. It has old writing and designs on it. It's all like, LEARN something! And I'm all like, 'I don't read rocks'.






Hold on a sec. I'm going to go get my water.

Sweet sweet hydration. From Utrecht, I went to Amsterdam!

"Allo, welcome to the Amsterdam (this is totally in a Godfather voice for no apparent reason, by the way), have you seena the canals anda the prostitutes?"


No, green guy. I just got here.







Oh! So I believe I promised you a resolvement (I make my OWN words!) of the bucket-bikes issue. Jasper told me they are called 'bakfiets. At first, in Utrecht, I was about to call Holland out on it, but Amsterdam delivered.

 This one is carrying cheeeeese! CHEEEEEEEESE!!! Fun fact- In Holland, or at least in a small town outside of Amsterdam, cheese used to be transported to the market on large sled-looking things, with slings that go over the shoulders of 2 men, one at the front and one at the back. I think that I will demand that all my cheese be delivered either by man-sled, or by bakfiets.

A regglar bakfiet. I pronounce it pretty much just like "basket", but with an "f". Take that, Dutch.

                            Baby Bakfiet!







I was going to tell you about this orange juice

but I couldn't think of anything clever. So... I'm not going to.


Amsterdam is a beautiful city. I wandered about for a while, getting lost and talking to strangers. You know. The reg.

'Look at me, I'm Amsterdam, I'm full of beautiful buildings and scenery

and creepy little ducks with weird heads'. Seriously, they are mildly disturbing. I was sitting on the wall, and some little duck swam over by me- hungrily. At first I was like, oh, what a cute- OH MY GOSH IT'S A MONTER! Yeah, I'm pretty sure it wasn't hungry for breadcrumbs. It tried to get me, but I'm far too evolved to allow such a thing. I am human, duck. KNOW YOUR PLACE.

Look out for the ducks in Amsterdam. They'll get you. They'll get you good.

 There is some pretty sweet graffiti here too. Actually, I had noticed back when I trained through to Belgium, I think the Netherlands has had the coolest graffiti so far. I wasn't able to take many pictures, because most of it I've seen from the trains, but it's awesome. Good work, Holland. Props.

In Amsterdam, street art paints itself, apparently.











At one point, Jasper joined me, and we continued to traipse about town. OOH! Look who's been following me around this time...

That's right. Special needs hot dog. He sort of looks like he has a diabolical plan of delicious-ing himself. That's right. I just verbed delicious. 

We went to the Anne Frank museum. Anne Frank was there. Kind of cold and lumpy, but she looked pretty good for you know, being dead and all. Ok, I think I will limit myself to 1 joke about a holocaust victim.


Seriously though, it was a very nice exhibit and I really need to read the book again. And if you haven't read it, you should.







They also love fries- sorry, LIKE fries in the Netherlands. They seem to think they are a gift from God. I get this fact from this completely original painting.

That's right. God gave Adam fries. And you all thought they were from Belgium. Ha.

Hahahahahahaha. That is all.

One thing I LOVE about the Dutch, is they totally put 'chocoladmelk' on their regular menus. Not on the kids menu. They actually are man enough to list it right next to beer, as opposed to being listed with mac n cheese, or 'fun shaped chicken lumps'. I may also order those things, but that's not the point! Now I can drink chocolate milk like an adult. That's some sweet sweet grown-up refreshment.

I drank my adult chocolate dairy beverage along with this delicious Greek burger. And fries. Yeah, I didn't take very many pictures, as I was distracted by food. So you're just going to have to play imagination and picture the whole scene in your brain. Don't strain yourself.




Then we made it back to ol' Utrecht, and finished the evening with Magnum bars and episodes of 'How I Met Your Mother'. Pretty much the perfect ending to a perfect day.

YesIamhereIlookatyouhello