Adventurdom: Day 28!! (Paris)

Paris. Is. GORGEOUS! Even dogs and cats love each other here

They were cuddling later. No joke.

Paris is probably the most romantic place I have ever been. I almost kissed like 14 strangers. Mace is surprisingly easy to dodge.

I took 2 bike tours today. TWO. Count 'em. First, it was the day tour. This one had a lot of history in it, which I very much enjoyed, but as soon as it hit my brain I could feel it transform into a terrible monster. You ready for your lesson? OK!

This is the Eiffel Tower. It was built by King Paris, the unic. Because, you know, he needed something.

OR, maybe it was built by a Mr. Eiffel for the World Fair thing, and he convinced them to not tear it down by suggesting they use it as a radio tower during the war.

Either way, the Parisians hate it, because the French hate everything.

This is not exactly historical, but my bike was named Pumpkin. I wasn't sure how I felt about calling my bike a pet name, but I went with it. It's Paris. We held hands.

Sort of difficult to see, down the park from the tower is a new peace monument. There is unfortunately a glass panel missing, because although the Parisians don't necessarily hate peace, they find the anything new terrifying and threatening. So they get drunk and break it.

This is the school for making men on horse statues. There are a lot of these statues around Paris, and even Europe, so it just makes sense to train for them. It also used to be a military school, where Napoleon trained in artillery. He loved cannons. Also, he wasn't allowed in the cavalry because he was too short to see over the horse's head. Sucker.

Here is a quick for reals history point, just because I might be referencing them, and if not, well I can show off that I vaguely learned something.

Louis XIV- The guy who builds stuff. He also puts himself on everything, showing off his well-endowed calf muscle.
Louis XV- The guy who sleeps with stuff. Mostly his 200-something mistresses, including Madame Pompadour. Most of the actions he made as king were suggestions from said ladies.
Louis XVI- The guy who doesn't do any stuff, except maybe build locks. A terrible politician.

This was built by.... yes, Louis XIV. It was his own private church. No one outside of the royal family was allowed to even touch it. The gilding on the top is real gold, an inch thick. So his starving people could see the shining beautiful symbol of where their tax dollars were being spent. This may or may not be the sort of thing that started the revolution.

Napoleon's ashes are here now. Hitler came and saw them, and there were snipers literally 30 meters away. Too bad it was 5AM and they slept right through his visit. He even left his bodyguards outside. Whoopsies.

It's kind of hard to see, but that bridge is the bridge of Alexander III. This was France's way of saying, 'Yeah, that's right. We're friends with Russia.' Uh... yeah that's all I've got. It was the first single-span bridge, and the first bridge with electric lamps. So if you are an engineer, or a scientist, that might mean something.

This is an obelisk, given by the Egyptians to Paris. Sort of a 'please stop stealing all our stuff' present. It has a partner obelisk in Egypt, linking the two countries. Assuming Paris didn't steal that one, too.

Also, before there was an obelisk here, this was home of the guillotine.

Fun guillotine facts!

It took Marie Antoinette 1 hour to cross the plaza to the guillotine
For about a 6 month period, it is estimated someone's head was chopped off every 10 minutes.
It was proposed by another artist instead of the Eiffel tower, to have a giant guillotine
When Louis XVI was beheaded, he was so fat, it didn't go all the way through on the first go
They actually had to move the guillotine several times, as the smell got so bad, the animals used to pull carts and such freaked out and refused to go near or by the whole area
The guillotine was invented as a more humane way of execution. Much better than being quartered.

Just a side note- I ate this. It is a delicious crepe filled with egg, cheese, mushrooms, and some fancy French meat. Haha. Meat.

The Louvre!!! It has 35,000 pieces, which would take you about a month straight without eating or sleeping to see it all.

I totally don't remember the name of this place. It's something crazy and French. But this was built, of course, by Louis XIV, probably the only thing not directly for himself. It was built for the soldiers returning from the war with missing limbs and stuff. It's a military hospital/care place, to keep them out of the streets in the city. It was also where the muskets and ammo were kept, so this is the first place the revolutionaries stormed to get some weapons. Here, the guards were very smart- they let them right in and let them take whatever they wanted. Probably smart, as they were about 100 to 30 thousand. However, the gun powder was kept at the Bastille prison. There, the guards were not so smart, and tried to stop them. They were all beheaded with penknives, and their heads were put of pikes. Not fun. Happy Bastille Day!

Notre Dame! Construction began in 1163. This church is super old. It is on an island, and in the very center where Paris began. There used to be huge markets here, and the people would keep the animals and stuff inside. 3 guesses how disgusting it got in there. Napoleon wanted his little Emperor ceremony in there, but he didn't want to spend any money cleaning it, so he had huge white pieces of fabric hung from floor to ceiling, to cover it up. The church accumulated filth for over 500 years. Fun fact- The Hunchback of Notre Dame was pretty much written just to get them to clean the dang thing.

Ok the history lesson is pretty much done now. I have exhausted all historicals in my brain. Did you know they still play chess in the parks here? It gets pretty intense too.

There is actually a large crowd huddled around the board off in the left side. I think I was more interested in watching the chess spectators than the chess.

I later went on a night bike tour. It was amazing! The city is already so beautiful, but during the nighttime it increases tenfold. Technically it was a bike and boat tour, which rocked.

This was Paris trying to sneak up on me and steal my ice cream. Stupid jerk Paris.

Look at me, I'm Paris, I'm gorgeous and awesome and- GIVE ME YOUR ICE CREAM! NO, PARIS! GOSH! UGH!

These are lovers' locks. A couple brings a lock, puts their names on it, attaches it, then throws the key into the river. BAWWWWWWW.

We rode around the Louvre for a while, too, which is ridiculously serene and almost hypnotizing. Despite the crowds, some bits get very quiet, and you can hear the water of the fountains. Also, on a bicycle, the ground is crazy smooth, so it's sort of like gliding through a strange dreamland.